


Eppy's Girl

by JuliaJekyll



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Canon Gay Character, F/M, First Kiss, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8097583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaJekyll/pseuds/JuliaJekyll
Summary: "You know he's queer, don't you?" A glimpse at a girl who loved Brian Epstein.





	

“You know he's queer, don't you?”

The familiar voice of John Lennon barely causes a flicker of disturbance in Linden's attention. Of the four Beatles, she likes John the least (an opinion which, judging by the fans' reactions to him compared to the others, puts her in the minority) and she's long since stopped rising to the bait of his cutting little comments. However, when she turns her head slightly, just enough to bring him to the edge of her vision, she sees that John isn't wearing his trademark smartass expression. His dark eyes hold nothing but honesty, and he looks...well, sincere. 

If Linden didn't know any better, she'd almost think he gave a damn. 

She turns her face away again. “Yes,” she says quietly. “I know.” 

She watches as Brian Epstein talks quietly to one of his interns, his handsome face animated, his graceful hands together. Linden can't really hear what he's saying from here, but she doesn't need to. The view is enough. She's loved Eppy from nearly the moment she met him, and her feelings have become something of an open secret among the staff surrounding the Beatles. 

“You really ought to stop mooning over him,” John advises. 

Linden sighs under her breath, but she doesn't snap at him, mainly because John still isn't being cruel, at least not intentionally. He's trying, in his own way, to help her. 

She _knows_ she should stop watching Brian, thinking about him, finding reasons to touch him. She knows it, and she's _tried_ , but she just can't do it. She's lost track of how many times she's pictured him reaching out, placing his hand on her wrist, pulling her against him, lowering his mouth to hers. She thinks he'd be a careful, tentative kisser, but she'd quickly bring him out of that shell. She's never had a man complain about her kissing technique, after all, and she's kissed her fair share of men. 

She feels sure that Eppy would have soft lips. 

She clears her throat. “Maybe,” she says, not looking at John, “he _needs_ someone to moon over him. I imagine you'd be in a right state if those hundreds of girls out there stopped mooning over you.” 

“Heaven forbid,” John says dryly. “But then, what do _you_ get out of it? Mooning over him, I mean.” 

Linden shrugs. In all honesty, she gets nothing out of it but a slowly crumbling heart. There are occasional moments of joy when Eppy smiles at her, or when he confides in her aboout something work-related that's worrying him. But those things are fleeting, and she knows those moments with him can't last or grow into anything more. 

It's a bit funny, really. She's heard all sorts of scandalous stories about men falling for younger employees and having affairs with them or even marrying them, but she knows that will never be her life. She's under no delusion that she can somehow “turn” Brian, and in a way, she doesn't want to, because she adores every aspect of him, including the ones that are less than ideal for her personally. 

Linden has seen Brian's pain. She could even say that she's felt it, to a lesser or greater extent, because doesn't everyone ache in sympathy with the person they love? Brian lives in a world where a fundamental part of who he is is reviled, and where it's incredibly difficult for a man like him to find love, at least of the requited variety. The way Linden sees it, the pain of living with her feelings is just her way of shouldering some of Brian's burden. Someone has to love him, after all. Why not her? 

“Lindy?” John asks. 

Linden turns her head again, meeting John's eyes. “What?” 

She sees John swallow. “I think, maybe, he does need it,” he says, and that's all.

* * *

 

It is so fucking difficult to watch Brian with Paul McCartney. 

His whole demeanor shifts. Brian is always polite, but when he's alone with Paul—well, virtually alone; Linden's presence in the room hardly counts—he sits up straighter, smiles more widely, affects a deepr voice. Linden is pretty sure he doesn't even know he's doing it, and that makes it even worse. Anyone with eyes—even John, who's all but blind without the glasses that he never wears—can see that Brian is infatuated with the bass player. 

Now, Linden can't deny that Paul is cute, but must Brian really acquiesce to his every request? 

Paul leans close to Brian, whose gaze flicks from his eyes to his lips the whole time he's talking. Linden listens with half an ear as Paul charms his manager into letting him sing one of the songs he wrote on the new album. _John will have a fit,_ she thinks vaguely.

When Paul finally leaves, Linden catches Eppy's eye. His smile falters when he looks at her, and his eyes cloud over slightly. 

Linden turns away. He knows; of course he does. He's known for ages but never mentioned it directly to her. She can tell that it makes him a bit nervous; he's not sure how he ought to deal with it. She doesn't mind his avoidance of the subject. She's certainly not about to bring it up.

* * *

 

Linden is outside, leaning on a fence, enjoying the sounds of a summer night when Eppy joins her. He stands beside her, fidgeting slightly, then clears his throat. “Lindy?” 

Linden looks at him, can't help but smile. “Hello, Brian.” 

The greeting actually seems to throw Eppy a bit off-balance, as if he'd been expecting her to say something else. He blinks a few times before he says “Hello, Lindy.” He rubs the back of his neck, the way he always does when he's nervous. “Lindy, I've been thinking...”

Linden's heart picks up speed, pathetically hopeful organ that it is. Her brain tells it to calm the fuck down. It doesn't listen. Hearts never do. “Oh?” she asks neutrally. 

“Lindy, I just wanted to tell you that I'm...that I'm sorry.” 

Linden swivels her whole body toward Brian, so surprised is she to hear this. Brian gestures helplessly at himself. “I...I can't...” he licks his lips. “I know that you...but I _can't_ , and-” 

Linden shakes her head firmly to stop his stammering. “You never have to apologize for who you are, Eppy,” she says. “Not to me.” She hears the catch in her voice, hopes he doesn't. 

Brian swallows. “I'm...yes.” He passes a hand over his face, and Linden's heart goes out to him. He really doesn't know what to do with this, the poor chap.

Brian's eyes are on the ground, and he's shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Lindy, I've really no right, but can I ask you for something?” 

“Of course,” Linden replies. She honestly can't think of a single thing she wouldn't do for this man.

“I...can I kiss you?” 

Now it's Linden's turn to be off-balance. She stares at Brian, baffled. “Why?” she chokes out. It's the only thing she can think to say. She never thought that Brian would want to kiss her...but here he is, asking to do just that. 

Brian looks both deeply uncomfortable and deeply sad. “I guess I've just always wanted to kiss someone who loved me,” he says softly. 

The answer is like a spike in Linden's heart. She gulps. 

“Believe me, I know how selfish it is to ask this of you,” Brian says. 

Linden nods. “And you knew I wouldn't say no.” She shifts closer to Brian, puts her hands on his shoulders. She nearly cries as he, a trifle awkwardly, drops his hands to her waist and guides her closer to his body. His warmth feels so good it nearly makes her shiver. 

Linden brings her hands in, cradling Brian's face, feeling rough stubble under her fingers. She trembles with desire to close the distance between them, staring at the lips she's spent so much time imagining on her skin. 

When their mouths touch, it's slightly desperate on her part, unsure on his. She tries to register this feeling with every sense she has and then some, knowing she'll never get this chance again. Ideally, she'd lick his lips, bite his jaw, run her hands up and down his body...but as it is, she just kisses him, softly and slowly, mouth closed. 

Their lips part. Brian kisses her again. 

Linden's entire body rushes with sensation. She wraps her arms around Brian's neck as he kisses her again, and again. She's almost panting when he breaks away, face flushed. 

And just like that, it's over, and he's not touching her at all anymore. 

“Sorry,” Brian says hoarsely. “I've not been kissed in a while.” 

Linden just shakes her head, dismissing the apology. 

“Lindy,” Brian says, his voice intense, “I _can't_.” His eyes beg her to understand what he can't put into words, regardless of how articulate he is. 

“I know,” Linden whispers. “I do.” 

Brian nods. Without another word, he turns and goes back inside. 

Linden sags against the fence, her knees giving out a bit. She stays outside for another hour, alone, her heart pounding and her lips on fire.


End file.
